You love me, even when I'm not at my best

Sometimes I'm a bitch.  I don't mean to be.  I'm still working on processing my emotions before I just boil over and spill them out, while screaming at the top of my lungs.  Apparently, I don't know how to express myself before it gets to that, in a way that is clear to everyone else.  I apologize for you having to bear the brunt of it.  I truly am working on it, but it's just so easy for me to bottle it all up and be laid back about what is bothering me...often I wouldn't even know what the problem is, if you asked.  It's all about making other people happy.  I try not to bother you or the kids or anyone else with anything and then I just eventually have enough of it all.  The bottle can only get so full.  So, thank you for still loving me and understanding how I learned to be this way.  I can use your help with trying to learn a different way of communication that does not involve yelling at the people I love the most.

You sing in the shower

I love that you sing and whistle while you are in the shower.  I don't even know if you realize you do it.  But, it makes me realize that, even with all the stress of work and school, you still have a subconscious, upbeat attitude under the surface.

I Want You to Always Stay

As cheesy as it this is to admit, I heard Toto's Africa more than once on the radio this week.  And, I left it on each time.  Their lyrics, "there's not a lot that can drag me away from you...nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do" really struck me.  Yes, cheesy, I know. 

Seriously, though, I do not want anything to take us away from one another.  I know that no one else will ever complete my life the way that you do.  We have learned about each other's quirks over the last almost 15 years.  I can live with yours and hope you have accepted mine.  I know I've had some times where things I've done haven't been right for us, but I have learned from my mistakes and have changed my ways.  I am wholeheartedly committed to continuing our life together.  I am also wise enough to know that we have done an awful lot of things right in our time together.  We would not have come so far if we were interested in making everything easy.  We know how much reward there is in choosing the difficult path.  We know that everyone and every relationship is, at least slightly, different from another.  We know how much work it takes to keep a relationship strong and healthy, so that it and those involved can grow and change over time.  Family, friends, and others will always try to monopolize our time and energy.  I think it's just a selfish part of human nature.  I promise you that I will not let anyone stand between us or try to pull us away from each other. I will stand strong, as one, with you.  Always.

It's in Your Kiss

As it is Valentine's Day, I was reading an article about kissing and a first romantic kiss is often a more powerful memory than another type of sexual encounter.  It got me thinking about all of our firsts and I really do have fairly detailed memories of our intimate firsts, first kiss and otherwise.  The thing that struck me the most, though, was that our first kiss is the only one I remember.  With only the exception of a memory of the first romantic kiss I ever received (a peck on the cheek), I really cannot remember a single first kiss with any guy except for you.  Not one.  That speaks volumes to me.  There were important guys (or so I thought at the time), who I would think would have left a lasting impression.  But they didn't.  I have no recollection of those first kisses, despite the article's suggestion that I should.  I know we were meant to be and I know that first kiss from you was the most important experience of my life.  You walked me out to the car and leaned over to kiss me, after what seemed like weeks of getting as close as possible, without a kiss.  Maybe I hesitated because I knew that, deep down, that kiss would change everything.  And, it did.  Thank you for the only memorable first kiss I've ever had.  It's the only one I'll ever need.

Your Love of Food

I love that you are excited about food.  You don't just appreciate food, you are truly excited about it.  I have to thank you for exposing us to all different foods from all different cultures.  While I'm not the most adventurous, you are instilling an appreciation for a wide range of foods in me and our kids.  It may seem like they are picky sometimes, but our kids are prosciutto-eating, Bibimbap-loving, chopstick-wielding eaters.  Not many Americans can say that about their kids. 

I am thankful that your grandparents and parents nurtured an open mind about food in you.  Not only did they teach you to eat whatever "odd" food was placed in front of you, they also caused you to respect where the food comes from.  I am happy that our kids seem to be following in your footsteps.

That Incredible Voice

You have a voice that makes me melt.  Whether you sing or whisper, I love to hear the sound of your voice.  The deep tone of your voice can be soothing and, while it can also embellish your occasional anger and frustration, usually stays tempered.  I know you have thought about voice acting in the past and I hope that you keep that in the back of your mind as a possible hobby sometime in your life.  I know you would be great at it.  Or, maybe a sports announcer...after all, you always know what the announcers say before they even say it.  ;)

You Know Just What to Say

You don't dote on or coddle me.  You are truthful in what you say and often don't sugarcoat things.  Many women (and men, too, I bet) would find this quality a bit harsh and "improper," according to their standards.  However, I am happy to take pure truth from you.  Sometimes it hurts a bit, because the truth does that, but I'd rather have small hurts from truth than big hurts due to a snowball of lies.  We both know how important consistent honesty is to a strong, healthy relationship.

Part of your spoken honesty that always impresses me is that you seem to mindfully put your opinion out there.  You don't just say the words you think someone wants to hear.  Sometimes, it's quite the opposite.  But, when you say something that is deeply thoughtful and positive, I know you really mean what you say.  Thank you for all the times that you've known just the right thing to stay to cheer me up and turn things in a positive light.

You are a Teacher

One thing we definitely have in common is a love of sharing knowledge.  To the point where we teach people when we don't even mean to.  We don't possess Education degrees, but we are always willing to educate others with what we know.  We certainly do this with each other and our kids.  I'm thrilled with how much we have opened the minds of our children and encourage them to think freely. 

You are far better at teaching through spoken word than I am and I enjoy watching you clearly express a thought.  I love to watch you teach someone about something you know during a conversation.  It's fun to see you make people think about what they are saying.  I am grateful that you make me think critically and constructively.  I can never thank you enough for that. 

So, thank you for helping to provide an environment of education in our home.  Our kids may not be able to express it, but they will someday be as thankful as I am for all that you have taught them.

Love of Learning

I love that you love to learn.  I am pretty sure that you are the reason I even discovered buying books at Barnes and Noble in the first place.  I held the belief that I could only buy books for myself for school, prior to being with you.  You've fueled my addiction to building up our library, which has amassed over 675 books in the last 14 years! 

Although our collection is fabulous, it is not what is most important to me.  You really dive into a book, when you buy it.  I often buy a book of great interest, read a few pages, and put it on the shelf with hopes of returning to it to finish it someday soon.  When you buy a book, you devour it that day.  I feel like I can see the sentences jump off the page and incorporate themselves into your brain.  You really seem to have an intense interest in whatever you are reading and are remarkably open to discovering the point the author is trying to make.  I am proud of how you learn and how easily you seem to retain the information; I need to read, take notes, and study in order to retain the information I read.  I'm just plain jealous!

You Make Me a Better Person

I am so thankful to have you in my life.  We have been together almost 15 years already and I know I would not have grown so positively, if you weren't here to challenge and encourage me.  You have given me the mental space and time to identify what is important to me (and us) and develop into the person I am.  You have accepted my shortcomings and helped me to change myself for the better.  Thank you for helping me become the more confident person that I am proud to be.  Thank you for helping me realize what is truly important in life and love.  Thank you for helping me to become a better person that we're both proud of.

First Post, Husband Love

I just think if we keep out hearts together
I just think if we build on this trust that we have for one another
Maybe we can make this last a lifetime
Forever my friend
Forever my love

I decided to start this blog as a way to express loving thoughts about my husband daily (or close to it).  It's easy to forget to be thankful each day for such an important person in your life, especially when routine takes over and years have passed behind you.  To sound a little Oprah, this is a gratitude journal from me to my husband. 

To my husband:

Today I began with lyrics and, besides the fact that you know I'm a fan of Ray LaMontagne, I thought the lyrics from Forever My Friend really expresses how I envision our approach to our relationship and marriage.  You were my friend first, and will be forever.  When you became my love, that was forever, too.  Even though it sometimes has and will feel as though we are not being friends or lovers towards each other (as all marriages experience), I really do think that if we consistently keep our hearts in a loving place towards each other, those times will be few and far between, and mostly a thing of the past.  I really believe that if we mindfully love each other and build on the trust that we already have, that we will make 'us' last a lifetime.  At the end of our lives, I would love for us both to look back at a strong, healthy, supportive relationship and feel grateful and satisfied at the love we gave each other for all of those years.  I will work at expressing my love and friendship to you each day.  I hope this blog can be a useful tool for that.